Resume' of George W. Bush (revised from email sent by Linda)

Dear Senator, Congressman or Governor of the Republican Party.

I offer my services for your upcoming campaign. You will find that my experience and credentials will be of great benefit for you as you seek to win or retain your current office.

W

Resume

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION

I attended Yale University and maintained a strong C average while being involved in many extra curricular activities including service to my community as a cheerleader.

I was also active in a student group on Campus- "Skull and Bones Society". This was a selective fraternal organization that assists students of a certain demographic so that they have improved opportunities for success in a world that frequently works against them.

OTHER EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT
I have been involved in legal issues for over thirty years.

In 1976, I offered a guilty plea and paid a fine after being arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine as a result of laws (established by liberals) against driving under the influence of alcohol. My driver's license was suspended for 30 days.

My Texas driving record remains unavailable. Regrettably, irresponsible (probably liberal) civil servants have apparently lost these.

MILITARY
Member - Texas Air National Guard
Missed opportunity to serve my country in Vietnam

Was grounded as Pilot after refusing to take a drug test imposed on the military by Liberals to infringe on soldier's rights.

After continued infringements on my personal freedoms I found other opportunitiesthat did not permit me to be available to complete my service to the National Guard in a timely way.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

After the Liberal Media conspired against me in my run for congress I began my lengthy associations in the Oil Industry in 1975.

With the support, confidence and money of others I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. Unfortunately, the company was unable to find oil in Texas at that time. I remain confident to this day that the oil was there before and if someone chooses to keep looking, they will undoubtedly find it.

There was a large stock sale that caused the compnay to go into bankrupcy. Even in those extreme circumstances, I was one of the only members of the corporation to make money throughout that period.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team and negotiated a land deal using taxpayer money.
Even though all the other people around me at this time were incompetent I managed to make money during the worst period of the team's history.

Associations with oil industry executives and through my family gave me the opportunity to offer my services as Governor of Texas. I am proud to count Ken Lay of Enron among my strong referrences. I ran a successful campaign against a strong incumbent liberal.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

Revised Texas pollution laws to strengthen the economic environment for power and oil companies,

Helped make Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I provided tax cuts for the very richest of Texans. I was able to build strong personal relationships with powerful people in the oil and financial industries. Unfortunately, an unforseen bankrupcy of the Texas Treasury made it necessary to borrow billions of dollars to fund government operation.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. I personally witnessed a large number of these executions.

After losing a general election by more than 500,000 votes I organized a highly effective team of brilliant strategists (including the Governor of Florida, a former President, and members of the US Supreme Court) to become President of The United States.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

In my cabinet I have assembled individuals who have demonstrated personal successthat models my own. Their persoonal wealth exceeds that of any previous administration in our nation's history. The poorest of these, the multi-millionaire Dr Condoleesa Rice has an oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for the most campaign fundraising trips of any sitting US President. I hold a record in our nation and in the world for receiving the most (and largest) corporate campaign donations. The largest of these contributors, Ken Lay, contributed funds and services, including use of corporate jets, while presiding over the largest corporate bankrupcy in US history and defending himself against rediculous charges of fraud.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period as well as the all-time record for most home and business foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I successfully released the US from the burdons of the UN Human Rights Commission by refusing to abide by their standards and withdrew the US from the World Court of Law. I have stood against laws imposed from outside the US by refucing to follow terms established by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. I ended my first (month-long) vacation in office early in order to preside over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

After September 11, 2001, in less than 1 year, I turned the US around from being an object of world sympathy by refusing to engage in "diplomacy' that would undermine our position of strength in the world.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

Against strong opposition from my own citizens, The United Nations, and the world community, I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.

I have successfully reduced the burden of health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

I am highly successful at providing necessary false information to further my agenda. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I support development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES

Kenneth Lay, Former CEO of ENRON (deceased)

George Bush, Former President

Jeb Bush, Governor of Florida

Tom Delay, US Representative for the State of Texas

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC investigations to my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. >> >> I am a member of the Republican Party. >> >>

These facts are all verifiable and worthy of your consideration in the mid-term elections.